I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
