Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
