I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Sponge bath it is.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
