...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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