How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
