so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
