remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
