false alarm. still invincible.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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