I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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