Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
