like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
