i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
