Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
