i always forget guys have bellybuttons
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Can I color on your dick again?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
