he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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