I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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