Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
