found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
