just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
