If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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