Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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