I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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