hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
