and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
