Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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