the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
