So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
