wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
