also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
