I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize
