Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
