i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
