I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
