I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize