I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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