i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize