youre lurking in front of me
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
