I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
