why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
