Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize