I'm lost and stupid without you.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize