are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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