nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
