Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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