it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
