The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
You left your phone here
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