Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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