im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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