we have officially lost it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
