i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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