i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
