I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
