I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize