Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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