I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
