So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
