You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
