Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize