Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
