I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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