Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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