I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is Oprah even human
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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