i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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