this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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