Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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