You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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