U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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