she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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