My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
