I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
