FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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