I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
