Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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