That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize