I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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